


is this something we can talk about?

by dreamydeku



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Cheating, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Gay, Gay Male Character, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Neil Perry (Dead Poets Society) Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:19:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28053780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamydeku/pseuds/dreamydeku
Summary: Todd is reluctant on introducing his new girlfriend to the boys, but she insists. Will a festive night of reminiscing rekindle his love for her, or will her obnoxious personality finally make him realise his feelings for Neil?
Relationships: Anderperry - Relationship, Todd Anderson & Neil Perry
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	is this something we can talk about?

**Author's Note:**

> A little Christmas Anderperry fluff fanfic bc I'm never getting off this emotional rollercoaster. It's kind of based off a daydream I keep having about a friend. I would like to note here, aswell, that I do not condone cheating whatsoever.

It was three days before Christmas. I was having a pleasant time at university and the choice to live in another city to my friends was finally showing to be the right decision. I had a girlfriend. Three months and counting. And it was getting to the point where my stories of my time at Welton Academy were becoming more and more fanciful, so to prove they all really happened, I promised I'd introduce her to Neil, Knox, Pitts and the rest of the dead poets. We were to meet them at the train station by 3pm. I was nervous. 

As Clara and I alighted the train, the winter sun scratched, glared and glazed at the platform's tarmac. Patches of snow clung to the shadows of the station. It had been raining, and slushy water dripped from every gutter. Clara appeared excited with her arm looped through mine. She was wearing a scarf I'd got for her birthday. 

"Time to find out if I picked the right dead poet" she said jokingly. She grinned at me, but I couldn't help feeling a little annoyed. 

The first meeting was a mixture of embarrassment and happiness. It had been an entire term without Neil, and I'd missed him deeply. I hugged him, smiled, and laughed with him. He had the face of someone bemused at a joke that only few were privy to, but in this case, it was a private joke between us. His eyes said:

_your girlfriend's scarf is the same colours as Slytherin House._

Mine said: 

_that isn't accidental._

Clara was as ecstatic as ever. As Knox flirted with her, she couldn't look more proud of herself. She had unlooped her arm from mine, and I didn't see her for the better half of an hour. She complimented Meek's glasses, goggled at how tall Pitts was, and simply marvelled at Dalton's, well, Dalton-ness. The boys were loving it, except Neil. Him and I watched from a park bench. 

"How's the theatre going?" I asked him. 

"Really well, yeah, I'm doing a lot of plays right now to build up my experience."

"That's amazing, Neil."

We were interrupted by Clara shouting at me loudly that I'd never told her how hot my friends are. I wearily smiled.

Neil gave me a look to which I shrugged, stood up, and began walking towards the cars.

\--

We were staying at Pitts' and Meek's student house while their housemates had gone home for Christmas. As soon as the suitcase was in the room, Clara disappeared once again. I settled my books at the desk, ran a hand through my hair, and followed her downstairs. 

The evening was drawing in earlier and earlier now. The night's darkness seeped in through the windows like condensation, but hardly anyone noticed as we caught up on our lives, stories, and anecdotes. With the occasional interruption by Clara laughing at everyone's jokes except mine, I got to experience everyone's realities. I cringed at Dalton's trip to the UK and the amount of people he'd pranked for Youtube views, and reviewed the newest gossip on the whereabouts of Cameron after Welton Academy - working at a gas station - before Clara, annoyed at not being the centre of attention, stood up and asked if anyone wanted to dance. 

Dalton, no longer being able to resist the urge, laughed and asked just how it worked between the introvert that is Todd Anderson, and the clearly sexy and wondrously extroverted Clara. I just smiled at him. 

\--

It was starting to get late. I returned to my room to do some reading. The jokes everyone kept making at the miracle of me having a girlfriend were starting to take their toll, and sometimes, despite doing fine socially at university, I needed a social battery break. Curled up under the duvet, I began the Christmas Carol to try and rekindle my festive feelings. 

Within minutes there was a knock at the door. Only a light knock. The knock Neil reserved only for me at Welton when I'd closed the door to our shared bedroom. It said _is this something we can talk about?_

"Come in" I replied.

He slipped through, shutting the door behind him. We could hear high-pitched squeals of laughter from down the corridor. With the closure, silence returned to the room like a shy animal emerging from a hideaway. 

"Clara's nice." Neil said.

"I know you're lying, Neil, just say it."

To anyone else, a snappy statement from a reserved person would shock them or make them defensive. To Neil and I, it was the core of our friendship. Truth. Sarcasm. An abrupt announcement like spontaneous combustion. 

With Clara, I figured out the coding to her lies early on. With her, I learnt to lie, also. With her, it was ambiguous murmurings like an explosion from an inside job.

Neil lay down on the end of the bed. Staring up at the ceiling he said:

"We were all shocked when you got a girlfriend because we kind of maybe thought, especially me by the way, that you might perhaps be ..gay."

I looked over to him, and he looked back at me. Head sort of lolled back, he smirked up at me a little. 

The orange light of my bed lamp scattered haphazardly across the room. Half of Neil was in shadow, and he balanced the orange glow between his fingers. 

I scoffed. 

"Well, I mean yes, I can see why you all thought that. I just thought I'd see what the other side is like first. Like I'm trying to see if I'm bi."

"Okay, well, no offence, but as an actor in training, I can see when the script just isn't flowing."

My head fell like an imposter admitting they're caught. 

"She isn't too great, is she?"

"She's been lying across Dalton all afternoon. I heard him and Knox talking about maybe taking her to that cave where we used to hold our meetings earlier."

"But that's like an hour away."

Neil paused. 

Slowly, and with calculation, he stated, "they'll be gone a while then."

He moved over to me, then. He lay down, and I felt his whole body dangerously close to mine. The thoughts of Neil at Welton came tumbling onto me. I hated to admit it, but kissing him was the only thing I could think about. I'd missed him so much. My hands shook a little as I placed my book on the nightstand. 

I pressed into him, awkward yet knowing. Nervous yet fascinated. We kissed through the slamming of the front door, and the squeal of car tires. 

The worst part was that Neil didn't leave my room that night. What was possibly better, possibly worse, was that Clara never returned to my room, either. 

I hadn't cared. The windows filled with condensation, and the room had the subtle musty smell of movement. We fell asleep at around 3am, and I awoke wrapped up in Neil's arms. The pillows littered the floor, and I felt the close, warm feeling of an explorer surrounded in the heat of a tent, being mildly aware of the snowy arctic wilderness outside. I was calm and safe, albeit unaware of what was going on outside that room. 

Stepping over the clothes, blankets and pillows, I left the room, and wandered through the chilly, quiet corridor to the kitchen. Remembering Neil's preference of milk and two sugars in his coffee, I grabbed a cup from the shelf and switched the kettle. Footsteps pondered in behind me. 

"Before you say anything, it wasn't any of us." 

I turned to find Knox leaning on the counter. 

"Hm?" I said, bleary eyed. 

"Clara dragged us all to a bar, and she disappeared -"

"She's good at that."

Knox rubbed his hand behind his neck and peered down the corridor. He whispered:

"Your girlfriend went home with a guy from the bar."

"Fair enough." I responded, grabbed my tray of coffee and toast, and ambled, yawning up the stairs.

He started after me, but in second thoughts, returned to the kitchen.

\--

I walked in to find my girlfriend, perched smugly at the desk chair.

"I'm guessing those aren't for me." She said.

Neil was no where to be seen. 

"You cheated on me." She stated.

I placed the tray next to her, and took a step backwards. 

"To be fair, Clara, you were gone all night, probably cheating regardless."

She bit a piece of toast like it was a hard piece of toffee. 

"How dare you accuse me of cheating on you. I would never do that to you."

"That's cool." I replied. Strangely, I didn't feel guilty. 

"Are you not going to say anything else? Do you not love me?"

"I'm in love, just not with you." I said, astonished at the truth of it. I looked across the room for Neil.

"You asshole." She said. 

I just laughed. I realised how much I didn't like her, and pondered at the absurdity of it. In an awkward manoeuvre she grabbed one of my books and launched it at me. Wuthering Heights. 

"You are a real asshole, I hate you."

She launched more books, some even hitting my head. I stood still, watching her. It was a sort of haze, until reality hit me in the face of Neil entering the room, telling Clara to stop throwing books and her, crying, running out of the room. It was like a devil\angel revolving door. 

"Merry Christmas!" Neil shouted down the corridor. I snapped back into the present. Neil was holding my arm. 

"Are you okay?" 

I couldn't help but smirk at him. 

"Oh, yeah. Merry Christmas." I replied. 

He kissed my forehead and laughed with me.

"It felt appropriate" he said. 

I leaned into him as his hands smoothed my hair down. I hugged him, and handed him the coffee I'd made. 

"It's a bit cold, but it's got sugar and milk."

He looked at me. His eyes said _you remembered._ Mine said _I'll always remember._


End file.
